....So when really do we call someone as our best friend? When actually the ‘best friend’ status can be given to a person? Does it begin just because the 2 has secret that they share? Darkest secret even? Or does it start because the two has similar admiration or hatred? Or does it start because one of them had poured their heart out to the other? Or as what people claim, does it start with simple conversation?
Well, let me tell you about a friendship. This is true story. A friendship that does not apply differences in any perspective, but more focus in respect, forgiveness, giving comfort, understanding, and simply run their life and share with each other. It was all started in an art class.
Well, often they see each other in hallway without even realizing that one will be the best bosom friend of the other for a long, long time. This writing is kind of hard, maybe you will not feel the essence, because I am trying to summarize 20 years of friendship in one short story.
That afternoon they realized that they have same watches, Mickey-mouse watch. Both started to chat about their watches and began simple conversation about their artwork. Just ordinary conversation.
Days passed by.
One day, one of them wore jeans with lots of drawings on them. Then they both turned out in the same English class, so they chatted about the drawings on the jeans. That day, after school, one of them invited the other for a glass of milk and cookies. So they walked along the small streets, enjoying spring and talked about trees, then had milk and cookies in a warm kitchen. It was just simple.
Day after day, they found similarities in perspective, ideas, but also with tons of differences. They came from very different culture, different religion background, different community, different in many things. But the focus was the similarities without neglecting the differences so they can respect each other difference. The differences were used to gain more knowledge about each other, about life, about people. The differences, I think, had made them to, often, try to understand others, that no-one is the same in the surface of earth. Both had adapted to ensure the comfort of the other. Cried together, laugh together, share everything together.
Can you imagine how hard it is for an American to train her dog not to kiss her Indonesian Moslem friend? But she did! Or ensure that this Indonesian need real breakfast and cannot eat pork? She did! She provided all that, by thinking in advance what is culturally fit to her Indonesian friend.
Can you imagine how hard it is for Indonesian to understand that American drink milk? (gosh, believe me, Indonesian don’t drink milk that much in those years)?? But she did! She had milk at her home, she also had shrimp chips for midnight snacks or fried cassava to replace French fries on movie days. And toilet paper! Believe me, this simple stuff can be frustrating if you are not use to them.
Many more cultural differences…many more background differences...
This might sounds nothing, but adapting to each other for a long time can be challenging. Imagine asking for space to do prayers, 5 times in a day, at her American friend’s home. Specific requirement is clean and quiet. It was all there!
Then to ensure that the American happily celebrated Christmas, the joy was also shared, at the Indonesian Moslem's little apartment. They did Christmas tree hunting together. Trying each other’s dinner, putting up with different background mothers (ha ha, we love you Moms!) who often get crabby in American style, or Indonesian style, dealing with their favorite fathers in the whole galaxy with super different background, which enriched them as children, to learn from both parents. One was a lecturer, the other used to work with trains. What other cool combination can you find?
They often took this certain flower, took off the petals and made wishes. They often looked up at the stars and made wishes. Looked into milk bottle and made wishes for some coins to buy French vanilla ice cream. Goods were not the issue. Money was never the issue. The whole issue is how to share and keep things balance among them. How so both can have ice cream, .. or to buy funky stickers in Shadyside.
Secretly, they have their own games. Yes, people might call it stupid today, or even scary weird, but at the age of 16, they still played house, pretended to have English tea party with their imaginary English friends, biked around the city, put flowers on their shoes, hop around dry leaves in autumn, enjoyed snow-flakes in winter, threw stuffed animal up and down the second floor window, peeked into a house with a romantic red colored wall and grand piano, cried so hard over Anne of Green Gable movie (God! That Gilbert character is just….), ate 100 soft spring rolls hot from the oven, or had “stop sucking your teeth” competition.
Arguments? Yes, of course it happened. But somehow simple word “sorry” was enough. Then basically both smiled and start to be friends again. The only long argument was when they misunderstood their meeting point on a Halloween day. It last 30 minutes, and that was too because of the biking distance from the spot to that American home. That evening both just dumped their bike, then went quiet and worked on pumpkin carving. I can say 10 minutes later they laughed over it, thinking they were so stupid.
Oh, they also knew each other stupidity. Over guys. Over work. Over family. But it did not make the love and appreciation became less. Instead, good words were given to each other. And when words don’t work, they gave space to each other. They understand when to give each other time to heal.
There was no terms and conditions. And simply no transaction. It was just about sharing. In their friendship NEVER ONCE they said they felt sorry for all the mistakes happened in their life. Even when one might made mistakes to another. Never once they hide a lie, or not admitting faults. They realized that to make a relationship stronger, it is about confessing, then forgiving, then understanding the other person, then provide strength, in advises or complains, followed by deep sigh and warm friendship hugs. It was NEVER, NEVER, NEVER about transaction, because friendship IS NOT business deal.
When you start to expect too much from the other, then it won’t be called as best friend anymore. No need to have great expectation, because if you believe the other person is your best friend, then he/ she will show the effort. There is no contract for best friend. It is more about thinking that the other soul is your soul.
No empty promises among best friend.
Other secrets? They often spent time just appreciating sunset, or stars, and make wish upon them. Cried, yes, they shed silly tears a lot, over way too beautiful clouds, or white silky winter outside the window. All of those beauty basically brought them to wish that they will never be parted by heart. They were then separated by oceans for nine years. Letters were sent, transformed to email and other technology. But guess what? The power of imagination and dream will lead you to your dream, as long as you believe in it.
After nine years, they found a way to see each other again, …and again, …and again. And the first meeting after separated nine yrs, was just the same as before. They still did the same rituals. And yes, now they are in mid 30s, and yet, they still stopped for a couple of long minutes on a highway to their old town five years ago just to look at the dark sky with millions of stars. Yes, they still cried over romantic movies, still share their ice cream and yoghurt, or exchange sweaters. It was just like that....But it was beautiful! Again, no demands, no blames, no regrets, no terms and conditions, no transactions or deals. Just simple friendship.
Today, the Indonesian and the American is trying to live the legacy to the girls (daughters of the Indonesian). To make them as free spirit, free individuals, make them feel comfort to dream and to live their live by appreciating others. One teached the girls from distance, one from near. Set good samples and convey good friendship story to them. Wishing for them to have soul mate too as they grow. And I have the feeling they will see each other again pretty soon.
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PS. This one I can assure you will always end up nice, Insya Allah. There are other version of friendship too, also stupidly beautiful. Some start with crying in a campus toilet by the mops and the brooms, another started with a conversation that started by “Hey, we have the same sign!” – how they end up next? Who knows….after all Aquarian should really be like water, just go with the flow...
