Monday, August 22, 2011

Ramadhan siang bolong - 2011


.......
Manusia kok banyak yang sombong?
Bermain-main dengan kekuasaan Allah...
Memang sulit untuk percaya, jika kita tidak mau percaya
Terlebih lagi karena manusia, secara duniawi,
Belum pernah terbang langsung ke neraka

Tapi...kalau sudah singgahpun,
Apa manusia akan kapok?
Apa manusia terus akan tobat dan insaf?
Toh Allah sudah mengirimkan kekuatannya?
Melalui bencana, yang sebenarnya hanya dalam rate yang sedikit
dibandingkan dengan nikmat dan keindahan yang hampir setiap detik

Ramadhan 2011 ini hanya tinggal dalam hitungan jari
Akan tetapi aku melihat banyak manusia yang memilih untuk merendahkan dirinya
Ada si 'kemayu' yang berhiaskan 'palsu'
Ada si 'loyo' yang berlagakkan 'jago'
Ada si 'gigih' yang berhati 'perih'
Ada si 'sok asyik' yang sebenarnya berjiwa 'picik'

Aku dimana? Kamu di mana? Sebenarnya Allah tidak perlu mengajarkan kita
karena Allah sudah menganugrahkan sekelumit hati..
Kita bisa menilai kita dimana.
Masuk ke kelompok yang mana

Aku hanya mencoba berhati-hati
Agar peringatan tidak aku anggap sebagai cobaan
Agar nikmat tidak semata-maat aku anggap hadiah
Agar mawas

Aku di mana ya Allah?
O iya, aku lupa, aku tidak perlu bertanya
Karena Engkau telah memberiku hati

:)

[...]

37 and yet haven't done enough, have I?

What can I say? I am the kind of person who likes to write about how I feel - just an expression aside than cahtting with my Dad, in the old days, blabbering to Mom in her kitchen..... heart to heart talk with hubby - or cry and smile in my prayers to Allah...

In the past days, I feel like I haven't done enough in my 37 years of living in this wacky-supposed-to-be-happy world. Despite all the achievements that I have got, from school, career, family, experience, but yet... I feel like I am left behind. I dotn want to say that I am too hard on myself, as some of my friends said that I have done a lot - but yet, how come something does not feel right?

Am I not thankful enough with my life? For God sake, I am... but I know I have not done enough! I just knew it. I feel like my energy evaporated to the unknown lately, with no clear explanation. I have to change - because I want to change what I have had in my hands - to the better.

Will I be able to do that? Who knows. I am only trying.

So Allah, help me - so I am confident that I have done the best
Help me to get the what I want, what my hubby wants, what my kids want...
Help me to feel confident that I have done enough...

and dear Allah.. thank you!