I am pretty straight forward here. I am not saying that the "eastern" people value virginity more than the "western" people. As I see that girls are easily giving up their virginity as well in this part of the wolrd (eastern if I may say as I live here right now) but just dont get exposed so easily. But hey, the number of that "first time incident with the name of so called love" is many times applied here.
That fact was also added by my surprise about 20 years ago when I moved to the U.S. and with my own eyes witness some girls in my school brought their babies to the school. I am talking about a young 9th grader (who obviously kids in high school often thinks they are so "mature" and undestand it all - well kids, you don't! not yet.. not everything yet!) who actually brought a small baby to school as she needed to put the baby in nursery class. The father of the baby? He was just her class mate... and they were not married, they were not dating, but they had a baby. Me as an Asian kid that time had my eyes widened in surprise and soon after I got back to my apartment talked about that new surprise to my Dad. Never had I, 20 some years ago, saw such situation.
Then about a month ago I had a chance again to visit the U.S. and (even though in a hard situation for me and my bosom friend) had to accompany her to the nearest clinic to have her blood work done. Blood work is blood check to see her blood type and so on. This is her way of trying to find out whether her blood type match with her husband. Thus as we asked whether her dear husband should also get checked, I heard (not a surprise anymore) explanation from the doctor that the clinic never offer a check to the man as in many cases they cannot tell who the fathers of the babies that are born in that clinic!!! He gave a crazy statistic as 75% of the birth were with un-identified father and even more crazy 2/3 of those patients were kids between 13 to 16 years of age!!!! It was not only me who were bumped to hear that. My American best friend was also in shock.
Then my head flash back to the conversation I had with my kids baby sitter some years ago, who came from a small village in Sumatra. She somehow expressed her worries to me that she will never marry anyone as she needed to find someone to get her pregnant first. My jaw dropped to the floor - and her argument is because (being so young and innocent) most of those who got married in her village at young age are all already pregnant!
Now... despite that making love with someone for the sake of making love. I personally think that it should not be done before you are legally married. As a Moslem, I go by what is regulated in the Quran that women should respect their own body by not giving it up to any man, to any random man, under the sake of love, unless she is married to her. Islam is concern about this as Islam concern about progeny. Islam care about knowing the father and mother of every child, in order to protect humanity, to protect both women and men. Islam are that women should be valued the highest, with men as the partner who protect them - with women respecting their body and dignity, and have men to also respect their own body and dignity. Islam does not only regulate women, but also men. I know there are a lot of arguments from the community outside of Islam that might view Islam discrediting women, but I suggest that every argument should be based on a level of knowledge about how Islam see women, men and their relationship to each other. Learn it but also set aside all boundaries as you learn. Then it will be a fair perspective and comments.
Anyhow, I am suddenly filling out the pages in this blog not because I want to talk about the specifically above paragraph, or making anyone I love and care feel uncomfortable, or started to feel like "wooow, she is moving to a religious side here" .. no no no.. I am writing this morning because I see news that certain communities in Indonesia recently proposing that there should be virginity test on women before they enter high school - which gladfully was rejected immediately by the Minister of Education and Culture. Well, whoever proposed that idea certainly does not understand that by segregating women from education will just make it worse to their understanding on how important to value themselves. It is like, they have done something un-acceptable and there is no window for them to become better. What is needed in this lovely country of that put the "value of religion" in its principal of statehood (Pancasila, clause 1) is to teach those religious value within their family members from very young age. Parents, be open to your children. Talk to them! Be their friends! Not simply by telling them rights or wrong, but tell them the reasons. Kids today are smarter, thanks to the Internet. The world is smaller, also thanks again to internet and chear airfare - thus we, parents, need to provide logic. Would it be productive if you cage your daughter if they somehow made stupid decision and lose their virginity? Will it be productive if we dont put them in school where they will be "enlightened" with positive ideas and knowledge? Come one! There is always window of forgiveness, opportunities, and hope and we want all our children (yes, I said children, I mean boys and girls) to have those windows. Who are we to judge?
My way of doing it, my husband and I are teaching all my three babies on Islamic values. Why it is important for them to learn the "yes's" and the " no's" in Islam, including the logic. We try to grow our kids to be confident Moslems and not only that, but Moslems who grow in their faith, knowledge and wise in making their decision.
Oh man, I am not judging anyone. Stupid acts? Been there, done that. I might even still repeat the same mistakes or make other mistakes. Knowing this, understanding this, make me and my husband decide that we certainly will not "cage" our kids from getting their opportunities. They are free human being that simlpy "came through me and my husband" - but yep, they are free - and they are equipped with us, their parents, to help them grow. But we will tell them that every act will have consequences, either in their life, or hereafter -- and we will try our hardest to guide them.So yes, Indonesia, ...okay, some people in Indonesia ;) ,... wake up and smell the durian! You gotta change your family basis system and culture a bit.
This is my personal opinion on a long Wednesday and morning -- and no, our hamster was named Sabrina and she died long time ago. We would never name our pet Virginity :)
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2013/08/20/virginity-test-indonesian-students/2675877/
Image source from "The Porcine Odyssey #13"
