40 + 3 is a good day.

Do you write journals? I used to write it, I used to try to write short fun essays, but them all my old journals I threw away. Which ic kind of funny because I push my children to write a lot, but then I denied my own spirit to write. So this is me trying to be discipline a bit about my writing habbits. Meaning that I have to really dedicate the time, give time to myslef, to sit down, shut up, think, and just pour it in form of words. It does not matter if no one will read it. As writing is a form of meditation. 

So today a writing session again re-inspire me to (not pick a pen and paper) blog. Continue this blog that has been in silence for quiet sometime. This is another way of meditation, aside than green tea, or sketch books, or play with paint, or work with craft... Or get the rooms in my place fully decorated. No excuse. I just have to write. 

40 + 3. This is my age today. I am forty years old and three days. What have I accomplished in life? Perhaps I put too much pressure on myself, or expect too much from myself. But I know I have not done enough for human are created in the most perfect way to be able to do beyond what they can think they can do. So many times I want to be that "human" - able to do the extra, able to achieve ALL my dreams. Yes, dreamer's dreams. 

While I have done a lot, but also I have learned a lot from those surround me. Those you all know immediately, and those that noone knows perhaps. Ups and downs, positives and negatives, I have no regret, for they all shaped me to what I am today. There are people that I value a lot, meaningful, and continue to play role in my life. There are those who I hate, and continue to hate, and I am lucky not to be surrounded by them...

40 + 3. Too long to write all my feelings. But for sure my life is beautiful, and it has started before 40. One thing I learned from today's class: there is no such thing as perfection. No such thing as perfect life. This is why "good" human being will work hard to make life to be "close-to-perfect" . But in writing, in artwork, go free... Write as freely, and dont let the need of perfection become the boundaries of creativity.

40 + 3. I am back with my journals and confuse what to write. But I know, today is a good day and that I have a good "close-to-perfect" life with Jules and my beautiful children :)