"Rachma! Mail for ya!!! "

So one day I found a book on how to tell a character by the way they write, from where they are starting their lines, and where they stop.

Those who write with straight up letters, are people who demand clarity.

Those who starts their lines in the middle of an empty paper, don't think about material as focus of their life - instead, they love attention.

Those who likes to doodle rectangular and curve lines, love to imagine. A day dreamer. Art oriented.

Those who doodle with numbers, have some sense of logic.

My gosh, if a person love to doodle pictures and numbers, will have their logic and imagination clash almost all the time. As the usage of brain and emotion are equally balance. (damn it!)Those who keeps writing to the edge of the paper until the letters have to be squeezed into small letters, often bump themselves to the "wall", allow themselves to fall, again and again...and just never learn...as their passion to achieve things that inspire and light up their life just stop them from thinking rationally. (so where did the brain factor here?)

Those who the ending stroke of their signatures is going up will have good fortune material wise (Gosh...really? Change urs! Quick! :-) )

Those whose signatures are cut into small lines often has emotion that change every seconds depend on the mood and situations.

But heck..above all...those who loves to write letters are romantic individuals by nature...(Are you? ) - to bad, in the era of electronic mails, no-one leave their personal marks by stroke of inks anymore, just to show they care. Where did the time go?I love emails - but I miss seeing our old mailman honking his motorcycle and call my name: "Rachma! Mail for ya!!! :-)"-

Jan 15, 2010, 23:40

suatu siang tentang cinta (by Rachma)

Waktu itu mobil baru saja selesai diperbaiki. Ada beberapa kabel yang memang sudah rusak dimakan tikus-tikus yangberkeliaran di garasi rumah. Mobil itu hadiah Daddy buat Ummi. Hadiah ulang tahun. Bertahun-tahun Daddy, membawa kami dari sekolah, pergi kerja, hanya dengan lobil fiat tua yang sekarang ada di tanganku. Kembali ke awal cerita, Jules menceritakan bahwa lagu ST12, yang liriknya ‘satu jam saja ke telah bisa cintai kamu di hatiku..’ sedang diputar di tape mobil itu. Dia menyetir, Ummi duduk di-sampingnya. Dari sudut mata, Jules melihat bahwa Ummi terdiam memandang ke kejauhan. Tiba-tiba dalam diamnya Ummi nangis, tapi terlihat dia tidak sadar kalau Julesta, suamiku, melihat itu. Pikirannya dipenuhi oleh rasa kehilangan suami, Daddy, yang sudah berpuluh tahun menemani.

Paragraf di atas sebenarnya karena siang ini aku berpikir tentang kehidupan berpasangan. Aku ingat Jules siang itu, setelah bercerita, mengatakan, “Rachma, mungkin itulah cinta ya? Dimana mereka saling mengisi satu sama lain, saling support. Terlepas dari argumen yang juga mewarnai hari-hari mereka dari muda hingga sekarang, tapi sering kita merasakan sakitnya setelah belahan hati itu hilang.”

Aku hanya bisa diam saja. Aku bisa merasakan kesedihan itu. Tahun lalu Ummi membersihkan rumah habis-habisan setelah membiarkan begitu saja selama 3 tahun. Tapi tetap menyusunnya kembali seperti sedia kala. Yang paling menakjubkan adalah susunan meja kerja Daddy, serta urutan koleksi buku-bukunya masih tetap sama. Beberapa hari yang lalu aku melihat-lihat ke dalam laci meja kerja itu, dan semua masih tetap sama, seolah-olah Daddy masih tetap ada.

Sering kita merasa jatuh cinta. Hati berdegup keras, kegugupan yang melanda, pikiran yang jadi tidak pernah fokus terhadap urusan kehidupan. Tapi cinta jauh lebih dari itu. Hanya ada satu hati yang bisa pas letaknya mendampingi hati yang lain. Mencintai itu sebenarnya cukup diwujudkan dalam sikap, bukan tuntutan. Tidak perlu pembuktian, tapi cukup dengan perilaku. Semua itu, walau kadang tidak sering terucapkan, seperti di generasi Daddy dan Ummi, akan tumbuh menjadi sesuatu yang indah, yang dikenang selalu oleh pasangan cinta seseorang.

Antara aku dan Julesta, semoga cinta itu terus terjaga. Begitu juga dengan anak-anak kami nantinya. Aku sangat menikmati kehidupanku dengannya.

ABOUT A FRIEND

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
He knew my every weakness,
And the problems I’ve been dealt.

He understood my wonders,
And listened to my problems
He listened to how I felt about life and love,
And he knew what my love felt like


Not once did he interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
He understood what I was going through,
And promised he’d stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show him that I truly love and care for him
To pull him close and let him know
How much I need him there


I went to hold his hand
To pull him a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
and is the most important person in my life

--------------

I found this beautiful simple poem and thought this is exactly precise for a friend of mine who had spent most of his years being patient with me. He knows me inside out, just from the expression in my face, he knows my every way, and always patient and wait for me to be brave enough to say....and when I dont, he simply hugs me to give me comfort. That's his simplest way. But I adore it with all my heart, for he is a true friend for life. no matter what, seemed like you are always the winner of my heart!

I love you.

life could be worse

so last night I saw a kid, hungry, with clothes as filthy as it could get... I am more lucky then he is

so the other day I got into a crash, bad crash that can just ruin everything.. I am lucky because I was not injured at all

so the car smashed really bad, really really bad and I was all alone when it happened.. I am lucky because the engine was still running, maybe the car can be fixed

so I hate the fact that legal system in my country is so damn bad, even though yes, many had to put trust and believe that it is progressing, but I dont feel it!! .. I am lucky that I still can negotiate

-- even yes!!!! I DESPISE the fact that many of the legal law, the clauses are just so weak that it never support or give satisfying solutions to the victims.. I should feel lucky I dont live in some crzy laa laa land

so I am still confuse with the thesis that I can never get done becuase of too many other obligations I have to do .. I am lucky becuase I can still do it, slowly, uncertain of what I am writing, but hey.. I have got my 10 fingers to type more...

so I am tired for only having 3 to 4 hours of sleep everyday because I have to deal with all the routines.. but I am lucky, I have my life with everyone I love in it!! and I truely want to do everything because I LOVE them! and they are the gems of my soul!

so I am sick and tired of the same thing I have to face everyday, and somehow don't feel appreciated sometimes. I need change... yes, I am lucky, I can make that change. Slowly... I hope I can

so I am confuse, I feel like I am losing a very important friend these passing days...I am so lucky I had my time to be friended with that person at least.. right? am I right or what? I am not even sure anymore. Feels like broken pomises. so I am stuck here in this stupid city, waiting for immigration problem to be resolved. Just because yes, my own fault too perhaps.. our our fault, but we managed... and I am lucky, otherwise I dont know there is a place like this dry boring city like this one.

so I am mad right now... especially because I feel like I am trapped by high walls.... but I am lucky, because I can still be mad...

so I just need a little understanding, a little comforting words.. from you (cant write the name)!!....but I am lucky, I can imagine that I get that understanding and comforting words from you ..

sigh..

oh well..if I can only picture you what kind of battle I have inside my head right now. But I can't.

Life could be worse. and I am lucky that mine is not. And if it is... maybe only for a couple of minutes, hours, days, years.. but at the end.. it will be fine. But pardon me.. I wish I can really say FORK IT!!! right at this second.

no deal, just go with the flow...

....So when really do we call someone as our best friend? When actually the ‘best friend’ status can be given to a person? Does it begin just because the 2 has secret that they share? Darkest secret even? Or does it start because the two has similar admiration or hatred? Or does it start because one of them had poured their heart out to the other? Or as what people claim, does it start with simple conversation?

Well, let me tell you about a friendship. This is true story. A friendship that does not apply differences in any perspective, but more focus in respect, forgiveness, giving comfort, understanding, and simply run their life and share with each other. It was all started in an art class.

Well, often they see each other in hallway without even realizing that one will be the best bosom friend of the other for a long, long time. This writing is kind of hard, maybe you will not feel the essence, because I am trying to summarize 20 years of friendship in one short story.

That afternoon they realized that they have same watches, Mickey-mouse watch. Both started to chat about their watches and began simple conversation about their artwork. Just ordinary conversation.

Days passed by.

One day, one of them wore jeans with lots of drawings on them. Then they both turned out in the same English class, so they chatted about the drawings on the jeans. That day, after school, one of them invited the other for a glass of milk and cookies. So they walked along the small streets, enjoying spring and talked about trees, then had milk and cookies in a warm kitchen. It was just simple.

Day after day, they found similarities in perspective, ideas, but also with tons of differences. They came from very different culture, different religion background, different community, different in many things. But the focus was the similarities without neglecting the differences so they can respect each other difference. The differences were used to gain more knowledge about each other, about life, about people. The differences, I think, had made them to, often, try to understand others, that no-one is the same in the surface of earth. Both had adapted to ensure the comfort of the other. Cried together, laugh together, share everything together.

Can you imagine how hard it is for an American to train her dog not to kiss her Indonesian Moslem friend? But she did! Or ensure that this Indonesian need real breakfast and cannot eat pork? She did! She provided all that, by thinking in advance what is culturally fit to her Indonesian friend.

Can you imagine how hard it is for Indonesian to understand that American drink milk? (gosh, believe me, Indonesian don’t drink milk that much in those years)?? But she did! She had milk at her home, she also had shrimp chips for midnight snacks or fried cassava to replace French fries on movie days. And toilet paper! Believe me, this simple stuff can be frustrating if you are not use to them.

Many more cultural differences…many more background differences...

This might sounds nothing, but adapting to each other for a long time can be challenging. Imagine asking for space to do prayers, 5 times in a day, at her American friend’s home. Specific requirement is clean and quiet. It was all there!

Then to ensure that the American happily celebrated Christmas, the joy was also shared, at the Indonesian Moslem's little apartment. They did Christmas tree hunting together. Trying each other’s dinner, putting up with different background mothers (ha ha, we love you Moms!) who often get crabby in American style, or Indonesian style, dealing with their favorite fathers in the whole galaxy with super different background, which enriched them as children, to learn from both parents. One was a lecturer, the other used to work with trains. What other cool combination can you find?

They often took this certain flower, took off the petals and made wishes. They often looked up at the stars and made wishes. Looked into milk bottle and made wishes for some coins to buy French vanilla ice cream. Goods were not the issue. Money was never the issue. The whole issue is how to share and keep things balance among them. How so both can have ice cream, .. or to buy funky stickers in Shadyside.

Secretly, they have their own games. Yes, people might call it stupid today, or even scary weird, but at the age of 16, they still played house, pretended to have English tea party with their imaginary English friends, biked around the city, put flowers on their shoes, hop around dry leaves in autumn, enjoyed snow-flakes in winter, threw stuffed animal up and down the second floor window, peeked into a house with a romantic red colored wall and grand piano, cried so hard over Anne of Green Gable movie (God! That Gilbert character is just….), ate 100 soft spring rolls hot from the oven, or had “stop sucking your teeth” competition.

Arguments? Yes, of course it happened. But somehow simple word “sorry” was enough. Then basically both smiled and start to be friends again. The only long argument was when they misunderstood their meeting point on a Halloween day. It last 30 minutes, and that was too because of the biking distance from the spot to that American home. That evening both just dumped their bike, then went quiet and worked on pumpkin carving. I can say 10 minutes later they laughed over it, thinking they were so stupid.

Oh, they also knew each other stupidity. Over guys. Over work. Over family. But it did not make the love and appreciation became less. Instead, good words were given to each other. And when words don’t work, they gave space to each other. They understand when to give each other time to heal.

There was no terms and conditions. And simply no transaction. It was just about sharing. In their friendship NEVER ONCE they said they felt sorry for all the mistakes happened in their life. Even when one might made mistakes to another. Never once they hide a lie, or not admitting faults. They realized that to make a relationship stronger, it is about confessing, then forgiving, then understanding the other person, then provide strength, in advises or complains, followed by deep sigh and warm friendship hugs. It was NEVER, NEVER, NEVER about transaction, because friendship IS NOT business deal.

When you start to expect too much from the other, then it won’t be called as best friend anymore. No need to have great expectation, because if you believe the other person is your best friend, then he/ she will show the effort. There is no contract for best friend. It is more about thinking that the other soul is your soul.

No empty promises among best friend.

Other secrets? They often spent time just appreciating sunset, or stars, and make wish upon them. Cried, yes, they shed silly tears a lot, over way too beautiful clouds, or white silky winter outside the window. All of those beauty basically brought them to wish that they will never be parted by heart. They were then separated by oceans for nine years. Letters were sent, transformed to email and other technology. But guess what? The power of imagination and dream will lead you to your dream, as long as you believe in it.

After nine years, they found a way to see each other again, …and again, …and again. And the first meeting after separated nine yrs, was just the same as before. They still did the same rituals. And yes, now they are in mid 30s, and yet, they still stopped for a couple of long minutes on a highway to their old town five years ago just to look at the dark sky with millions of stars. Yes, they still cried over romantic movies, still share their ice cream and yoghurt, or exchange sweaters. It was just like that....But it was beautiful! Again, no demands, no blames, no regrets, no terms and conditions, no transactions or deals. Just simple friendship.

Today, the Indonesian and the American is trying to live the legacy to the girls (daughters of the Indonesian). To make them as free spirit, free individuals, make them feel comfort to dream and to live their live by appreciating others. One teached the girls from distance, one from near. Set good samples and convey good friendship story to them. Wishing for them to have soul mate too as they grow. And I have the feeling they will see each other again pretty soon.

---------------

PS. This one I can assure you will always end up nice, Insya Allah. There are other version of friendship too, also stupidly beautiful. Some start with crying in a campus toilet by the mops and the brooms, another started with a conversation that started by “Hey, we have the same sign!” – how they end up next? Who knows….after all Aquarian should really be like water, just go with the flow...

So, what's the story today?

I think life in this ‘very spot where I am sitting right now’ is getting less challenging. Not to be un-thankful to what I have gained in life, but just simply WEIRD! Yes.. big word W E I R D !!! This is weird. Totally weird. Super weird. Superly-duperly weird.

All morning I am staring at the plant in white pottery just at the corner of my table, then look outside the window to the cloudy sky, easy traffic and empty train track. I thought to myself why I am so damn bored. Hm, the false is in me? Or the false is in the sights that I see in front of me?

I love what I am doing. Love my job (let’s discuss this later..). Love life. Love my kids. Love my man. Love my cell-phone with various songs that I always plug to my ears. Love the origami birds on my desk. Love my un-finished-forever-under-construction-run-outta-budget house. Love my pillows. Love driving around at night with loud music jamming in my car. Love to dance while cooking. Love art and doing some of it.

Miss my monkeys, but I can survive. Miss my cats but that's okay. I am allergic to cats somehow now. Miss my Mom but I can call her. Miss my Dad and I have him in my head. Miss my old friends, but they are here in this very social network planet (but they are very quiet and silence sometimes. All I can see just pictures and I will have to transform that into real life interaction). Miss walking on the sidewalk, but maybe I can do that easily (man, I really miss walking city surfing!). Miss biking just like old times. Miss my ripped jeans (I might as well wear them this weekend, my 20 year old jeans!). Miss pencil in my hair bun. Maybe if I make the list, there are certain things that I miss and I can’t handle in life, but hey I survived?

So they say I am a dreamer. My best friends allowed me to be a dreamer, for they are also dreamers. Yes, we are Goddess of Imaginations, and imaginations give color and flower to our life. We imagine things that we can’t have in real life, but we can in our imaginary life. Is that so wrong? I know kids are doing that.

Some said I am not thankful. Maybe that is true. Then that would be a project for me to work on. Seriously. I am no angel. But I am working on being thankful at all level.

But today...
I know I am part dreamy, part bored, part thankful, but I know my curiosity is HUGE and it had hampered me BAD today. Damn it, . I have to write this long just to find out why I feel weird today.

The plant on my table is still green, and remain the same plant. Hmm…maybe I’ll change it after Ied. or maybe clean my table and re-arrange everything. I hate routines! And I hate finding things I don’t like. At least this is my thoughts this very second. I know life keeps rolling.

Oh well...

Happy Ied everyone! Don't loose your heads during the holiday. Stay safe with all the great food. Come back normal and cool, okay? You deserve it! .. okay, come back with a bit more fat is acceptable!

Dad, hope the signal is good today

Sore tadi, hanya ada sebuah batu, angin, dan aku...Masih beberapa tahun lalu ketika aku nangkring di meja makan bersamamu, minum teh manis panas dari gelas besarmu, mencelotehkan segala kegiatan harianku.

"Dad, Uni paling sebel lah sama si XXX.. Masakan dia suka ... bla bla bla"
"Dad, Uni pergi jalan-jalan ma orang itu ya.. Ada si Gita juga kok..trus pulang cepet kok!"
"Dad, tau gak? Uni dapet honor tambahan dari proyek! Malam minggu kita ke Nelayan ya..tapi kalo duitnya kurang, tambahin ya..hee hee..."
"Dad, mo pergi nonton, boleh ya. Iya, iya, nanti Uni kasih tau Ummi juga - paling harus pulang sebelum jam 10 kan?"
"Daddy, malam sabtu kita nonton Hercules yok! Mantaplah pokoknya.. Pelem2 romawi gitu Dad"
"Dad, bantu jemput Dasha lah..trus di kantor Dad kasih soto ayam aja ya.. Tks Dad"
"Dad, udah batuk lagi nih, ntar ke Oom Sugito ya, Uni mo pake obat dia itu..yang buat lega pernafasan.."
"Dad.. Tukang martabak lewat, beli yok! Uni ambil telor tambahan dari kulkas ya...."
"Dad, ini artikelnya maksudnya apa!? Gak ngertilah.."

Atau... dengan kasih sayang dan kesabaranmu menjaga mahkluk-mahkluk kecil - 4 orang mahkluk kecil yang selalu menfavoritkan Abuciknya.. Laporan mereka selalu..
"Amie, kami tadi joged ma Bucik di ruang tipi..lucuuuu banget! Seru!"
"Amie, kantor Bucik keren deh! Banyak spidol warna warni.. Kami suka di situ... Oom Jamal juga baek! Kami suka ke kantin depan ma Bucik!"
"Amie, Dasha mo dimandiin Bucik ajah! ..."
"Amie, kami mo jalan-jalan ma Bucik dan Neni.. Ma ka Ara trus si Ayen... "....
"Auntie, Ara maen ma Bucik ke Pertanian!"
"Auntie, Ayen maen pistol aer dari Bucik... !!"

....Setiap saat selalu mewarnai

...Sore ini ya Allah, hanya ada batu, dengan grafir namamu,... angin semilir, ... Aku sedikit berharap setiap waktu untuk bisa membuat segalanya menjadi lebih praktis.. Aku bisa angkat telepon dan bilang ke Dad, soal apa saja... Sayang gak ada provider antara aku dan Daddy saat ini. Kepergian yang memang sudah pada waktunya.

Tapi ya Allah... Terlepas segala kekhilafanku, keangkuhanku, kesalahanku, ... , dan semua kekuranganku...., sungguh, aku tau hanya Engkau yang bisa menyampaikan salamku padanya. Karena perkara ruh adalah urusanMu... Kami hanya bisa berharap dan mengkhayalkan bahwa doa serta salam kami bisa sampai kepadanya. Sampaikan ya Allah, aku kangen sama Daddy - aku berharap dia mendapat singgasana yang engkau sediakan bagi semua orang tua yang mulia...yang sudah menghabiskan tiga per empat hidupnya hanya untuk mendoakan dan mendidik khalifah-khalifah baru di muka bumi.

Ya Allah, jika memungkinkan... tolong sampaikan peluk cium dan salam sayang dari kami semua.. dari Ummi, kekasihnya sepanjang hidupnya..., dari kami anak-anak dan cucu-cucunya.. semoga Ramadhan yang akan menapak dalam waktu dekat ini mendatangkan ikatan kasih sayang yang lebih lagi buat kami yang ditinggalkan... Semoga nanti aku bisa nangkring lagi dan berceloteh di depannya, di meja makan kami di akhirat.

Luv u Dad...and thank you for everything!


Buat temen-temen yang ayah dan ibunya masih mendampingi... Perbanyak bercerita dan mendengarkan cerita mereka. Karena ketika masa itu selesai, kita hanya bisa berharap untuk bisa bercerita lagi dengan mereka. Sungguh, Allah benar-benar menciptakan surga di telapak kaki ibu untuk kita mendapatkan kasih sayang, dan ayah sebagai pepohonan, bunga dan taman hati dalam surga itu