life could be worse

so last night I saw a kid, hungry, with clothes as filthy as it could get... I am more lucky then he is

so the other day I got into a crash, bad crash that can just ruin everything.. I am lucky because I was not injured at all

so the car smashed really bad, really really bad and I was all alone when it happened.. I am lucky because the engine was still running, maybe the car can be fixed

so I hate the fact that legal system in my country is so damn bad, even though yes, many had to put trust and believe that it is progressing, but I dont feel it!! .. I am lucky that I still can negotiate

-- even yes!!!! I DESPISE the fact that many of the legal law, the clauses are just so weak that it never support or give satisfying solutions to the victims.. I should feel lucky I dont live in some crzy laa laa land

so I am still confuse with the thesis that I can never get done becuase of too many other obligations I have to do .. I am lucky becuase I can still do it, slowly, uncertain of what I am writing, but hey.. I have got my 10 fingers to type more...

so I am tired for only having 3 to 4 hours of sleep everyday because I have to deal with all the routines.. but I am lucky, I have my life with everyone I love in it!! and I truely want to do everything because I LOVE them! and they are the gems of my soul!

so I am sick and tired of the same thing I have to face everyday, and somehow don't feel appreciated sometimes. I need change... yes, I am lucky, I can make that change. Slowly... I hope I can

so I am confuse, I feel like I am losing a very important friend these passing days...I am so lucky I had my time to be friended with that person at least.. right? am I right or what? I am not even sure anymore. Feels like broken pomises. so I am stuck here in this stupid city, waiting for immigration problem to be resolved. Just because yes, my own fault too perhaps.. our our fault, but we managed... and I am lucky, otherwise I dont know there is a place like this dry boring city like this one.

so I am mad right now... especially because I feel like I am trapped by high walls.... but I am lucky, because I can still be mad...

so I just need a little understanding, a little comforting words.. from you (cant write the name)!!....but I am lucky, I can imagine that I get that understanding and comforting words from you ..

sigh..

oh well..if I can only picture you what kind of battle I have inside my head right now. But I can't.

Life could be worse. and I am lucky that mine is not. And if it is... maybe only for a couple of minutes, hours, days, years.. but at the end.. it will be fine. But pardon me.. I wish I can really say FORK IT!!! right at this second.

no deal, just go with the flow...

....So when really do we call someone as our best friend? When actually the ‘best friend’ status can be given to a person? Does it begin just because the 2 has secret that they share? Darkest secret even? Or does it start because the two has similar admiration or hatred? Or does it start because one of them had poured their heart out to the other? Or as what people claim, does it start with simple conversation?

Well, let me tell you about a friendship. This is true story. A friendship that does not apply differences in any perspective, but more focus in respect, forgiveness, giving comfort, understanding, and simply run their life and share with each other. It was all started in an art class.

Well, often they see each other in hallway without even realizing that one will be the best bosom friend of the other for a long, long time. This writing is kind of hard, maybe you will not feel the essence, because I am trying to summarize 20 years of friendship in one short story.

That afternoon they realized that they have same watches, Mickey-mouse watch. Both started to chat about their watches and began simple conversation about their artwork. Just ordinary conversation.

Days passed by.

One day, one of them wore jeans with lots of drawings on them. Then they both turned out in the same English class, so they chatted about the drawings on the jeans. That day, after school, one of them invited the other for a glass of milk and cookies. So they walked along the small streets, enjoying spring and talked about trees, then had milk and cookies in a warm kitchen. It was just simple.

Day after day, they found similarities in perspective, ideas, but also with tons of differences. They came from very different culture, different religion background, different community, different in many things. But the focus was the similarities without neglecting the differences so they can respect each other difference. The differences were used to gain more knowledge about each other, about life, about people. The differences, I think, had made them to, often, try to understand others, that no-one is the same in the surface of earth. Both had adapted to ensure the comfort of the other. Cried together, laugh together, share everything together.

Can you imagine how hard it is for an American to train her dog not to kiss her Indonesian Moslem friend? But she did! Or ensure that this Indonesian need real breakfast and cannot eat pork? She did! She provided all that, by thinking in advance what is culturally fit to her Indonesian friend.

Can you imagine how hard it is for Indonesian to understand that American drink milk? (gosh, believe me, Indonesian don’t drink milk that much in those years)?? But she did! She had milk at her home, she also had shrimp chips for midnight snacks or fried cassava to replace French fries on movie days. And toilet paper! Believe me, this simple stuff can be frustrating if you are not use to them.

Many more cultural differences…many more background differences...

This might sounds nothing, but adapting to each other for a long time can be challenging. Imagine asking for space to do prayers, 5 times in a day, at her American friend’s home. Specific requirement is clean and quiet. It was all there!

Then to ensure that the American happily celebrated Christmas, the joy was also shared, at the Indonesian Moslem's little apartment. They did Christmas tree hunting together. Trying each other’s dinner, putting up with different background mothers (ha ha, we love you Moms!) who often get crabby in American style, or Indonesian style, dealing with their favorite fathers in the whole galaxy with super different background, which enriched them as children, to learn from both parents. One was a lecturer, the other used to work with trains. What other cool combination can you find?

They often took this certain flower, took off the petals and made wishes. They often looked up at the stars and made wishes. Looked into milk bottle and made wishes for some coins to buy French vanilla ice cream. Goods were not the issue. Money was never the issue. The whole issue is how to share and keep things balance among them. How so both can have ice cream, .. or to buy funky stickers in Shadyside.

Secretly, they have their own games. Yes, people might call it stupid today, or even scary weird, but at the age of 16, they still played house, pretended to have English tea party with their imaginary English friends, biked around the city, put flowers on their shoes, hop around dry leaves in autumn, enjoyed snow-flakes in winter, threw stuffed animal up and down the second floor window, peeked into a house with a romantic red colored wall and grand piano, cried so hard over Anne of Green Gable movie (God! That Gilbert character is just….), ate 100 soft spring rolls hot from the oven, or had “stop sucking your teeth” competition.

Arguments? Yes, of course it happened. But somehow simple word “sorry” was enough. Then basically both smiled and start to be friends again. The only long argument was when they misunderstood their meeting point on a Halloween day. It last 30 minutes, and that was too because of the biking distance from the spot to that American home. That evening both just dumped their bike, then went quiet and worked on pumpkin carving. I can say 10 minutes later they laughed over it, thinking they were so stupid.

Oh, they also knew each other stupidity. Over guys. Over work. Over family. But it did not make the love and appreciation became less. Instead, good words were given to each other. And when words don’t work, they gave space to each other. They understand when to give each other time to heal.

There was no terms and conditions. And simply no transaction. It was just about sharing. In their friendship NEVER ONCE they said they felt sorry for all the mistakes happened in their life. Even when one might made mistakes to another. Never once they hide a lie, or not admitting faults. They realized that to make a relationship stronger, it is about confessing, then forgiving, then understanding the other person, then provide strength, in advises or complains, followed by deep sigh and warm friendship hugs. It was NEVER, NEVER, NEVER about transaction, because friendship IS NOT business deal.

When you start to expect too much from the other, then it won’t be called as best friend anymore. No need to have great expectation, because if you believe the other person is your best friend, then he/ she will show the effort. There is no contract for best friend. It is more about thinking that the other soul is your soul.

No empty promises among best friend.

Other secrets? They often spent time just appreciating sunset, or stars, and make wish upon them. Cried, yes, they shed silly tears a lot, over way too beautiful clouds, or white silky winter outside the window. All of those beauty basically brought them to wish that they will never be parted by heart. They were then separated by oceans for nine years. Letters were sent, transformed to email and other technology. But guess what? The power of imagination and dream will lead you to your dream, as long as you believe in it.

After nine years, they found a way to see each other again, …and again, …and again. And the first meeting after separated nine yrs, was just the same as before. They still did the same rituals. And yes, now they are in mid 30s, and yet, they still stopped for a couple of long minutes on a highway to their old town five years ago just to look at the dark sky with millions of stars. Yes, they still cried over romantic movies, still share their ice cream and yoghurt, or exchange sweaters. It was just like that....But it was beautiful! Again, no demands, no blames, no regrets, no terms and conditions, no transactions or deals. Just simple friendship.

Today, the Indonesian and the American is trying to live the legacy to the girls (daughters of the Indonesian). To make them as free spirit, free individuals, make them feel comfort to dream and to live their live by appreciating others. One teached the girls from distance, one from near. Set good samples and convey good friendship story to them. Wishing for them to have soul mate too as they grow. And I have the feeling they will see each other again pretty soon.

---------------

PS. This one I can assure you will always end up nice, Insya Allah. There are other version of friendship too, also stupidly beautiful. Some start with crying in a campus toilet by the mops and the brooms, another started with a conversation that started by “Hey, we have the same sign!” – how they end up next? Who knows….after all Aquarian should really be like water, just go with the flow...

So, what's the story today?

I think life in this ‘very spot where I am sitting right now’ is getting less challenging. Not to be un-thankful to what I have gained in life, but just simply WEIRD! Yes.. big word W E I R D !!! This is weird. Totally weird. Super weird. Superly-duperly weird.

All morning I am staring at the plant in white pottery just at the corner of my table, then look outside the window to the cloudy sky, easy traffic and empty train track. I thought to myself why I am so damn bored. Hm, the false is in me? Or the false is in the sights that I see in front of me?

I love what I am doing. Love my job (let’s discuss this later..). Love life. Love my kids. Love my man. Love my cell-phone with various songs that I always plug to my ears. Love the origami birds on my desk. Love my un-finished-forever-under-construction-run-outta-budget house. Love my pillows. Love driving around at night with loud music jamming in my car. Love to dance while cooking. Love art and doing some of it.

Miss my monkeys, but I can survive. Miss my cats but that's okay. I am allergic to cats somehow now. Miss my Mom but I can call her. Miss my Dad and I have him in my head. Miss my old friends, but they are here in this very social network planet (but they are very quiet and silence sometimes. All I can see just pictures and I will have to transform that into real life interaction). Miss walking on the sidewalk, but maybe I can do that easily (man, I really miss walking city surfing!). Miss biking just like old times. Miss my ripped jeans (I might as well wear them this weekend, my 20 year old jeans!). Miss pencil in my hair bun. Maybe if I make the list, there are certain things that I miss and I can’t handle in life, but hey I survived?

So they say I am a dreamer. My best friends allowed me to be a dreamer, for they are also dreamers. Yes, we are Goddess of Imaginations, and imaginations give color and flower to our life. We imagine things that we can’t have in real life, but we can in our imaginary life. Is that so wrong? I know kids are doing that.

Some said I am not thankful. Maybe that is true. Then that would be a project for me to work on. Seriously. I am no angel. But I am working on being thankful at all level.

But today...
I know I am part dreamy, part bored, part thankful, but I know my curiosity is HUGE and it had hampered me BAD today. Damn it, . I have to write this long just to find out why I feel weird today.

The plant on my table is still green, and remain the same plant. Hmm…maybe I’ll change it after Ied. or maybe clean my table and re-arrange everything. I hate routines! And I hate finding things I don’t like. At least this is my thoughts this very second. I know life keeps rolling.

Oh well...

Happy Ied everyone! Don't loose your heads during the holiday. Stay safe with all the great food. Come back normal and cool, okay? You deserve it! .. okay, come back with a bit more fat is acceptable!

Dad, hope the signal is good today

Sore tadi, hanya ada sebuah batu, angin, dan aku...Masih beberapa tahun lalu ketika aku nangkring di meja makan bersamamu, minum teh manis panas dari gelas besarmu, mencelotehkan segala kegiatan harianku.

"Dad, Uni paling sebel lah sama si XXX.. Masakan dia suka ... bla bla bla"
"Dad, Uni pergi jalan-jalan ma orang itu ya.. Ada si Gita juga kok..trus pulang cepet kok!"
"Dad, tau gak? Uni dapet honor tambahan dari proyek! Malam minggu kita ke Nelayan ya..tapi kalo duitnya kurang, tambahin ya..hee hee..."
"Dad, mo pergi nonton, boleh ya. Iya, iya, nanti Uni kasih tau Ummi juga - paling harus pulang sebelum jam 10 kan?"
"Daddy, malam sabtu kita nonton Hercules yok! Mantaplah pokoknya.. Pelem2 romawi gitu Dad"
"Dad, bantu jemput Dasha lah..trus di kantor Dad kasih soto ayam aja ya.. Tks Dad"
"Dad, udah batuk lagi nih, ntar ke Oom Sugito ya, Uni mo pake obat dia itu..yang buat lega pernafasan.."
"Dad.. Tukang martabak lewat, beli yok! Uni ambil telor tambahan dari kulkas ya...."
"Dad, ini artikelnya maksudnya apa!? Gak ngertilah.."

Atau... dengan kasih sayang dan kesabaranmu menjaga mahkluk-mahkluk kecil - 4 orang mahkluk kecil yang selalu menfavoritkan Abuciknya.. Laporan mereka selalu..
"Amie, kami tadi joged ma Bucik di ruang tipi..lucuuuu banget! Seru!"
"Amie, kantor Bucik keren deh! Banyak spidol warna warni.. Kami suka di situ... Oom Jamal juga baek! Kami suka ke kantin depan ma Bucik!"
"Amie, Dasha mo dimandiin Bucik ajah! ..."
"Amie, kami mo jalan-jalan ma Bucik dan Neni.. Ma ka Ara trus si Ayen... "....
"Auntie, Ara maen ma Bucik ke Pertanian!"
"Auntie, Ayen maen pistol aer dari Bucik... !!"

....Setiap saat selalu mewarnai

...Sore ini ya Allah, hanya ada batu, dengan grafir namamu,... angin semilir, ... Aku sedikit berharap setiap waktu untuk bisa membuat segalanya menjadi lebih praktis.. Aku bisa angkat telepon dan bilang ke Dad, soal apa saja... Sayang gak ada provider antara aku dan Daddy saat ini. Kepergian yang memang sudah pada waktunya.

Tapi ya Allah... Terlepas segala kekhilafanku, keangkuhanku, kesalahanku, ... , dan semua kekuranganku...., sungguh, aku tau hanya Engkau yang bisa menyampaikan salamku padanya. Karena perkara ruh adalah urusanMu... Kami hanya bisa berharap dan mengkhayalkan bahwa doa serta salam kami bisa sampai kepadanya. Sampaikan ya Allah, aku kangen sama Daddy - aku berharap dia mendapat singgasana yang engkau sediakan bagi semua orang tua yang mulia...yang sudah menghabiskan tiga per empat hidupnya hanya untuk mendoakan dan mendidik khalifah-khalifah baru di muka bumi.

Ya Allah, jika memungkinkan... tolong sampaikan peluk cium dan salam sayang dari kami semua.. dari Ummi, kekasihnya sepanjang hidupnya..., dari kami anak-anak dan cucu-cucunya.. semoga Ramadhan yang akan menapak dalam waktu dekat ini mendatangkan ikatan kasih sayang yang lebih lagi buat kami yang ditinggalkan... Semoga nanti aku bisa nangkring lagi dan berceloteh di depannya, di meja makan kami di akhirat.

Luv u Dad...and thank you for everything!


Buat temen-temen yang ayah dan ibunya masih mendampingi... Perbanyak bercerita dan mendengarkan cerita mereka. Karena ketika masa itu selesai, kita hanya bisa berharap untuk bisa bercerita lagi dengan mereka. Sungguh, Allah benar-benar menciptakan surga di telapak kaki ibu untuk kita mendapatkan kasih sayang, dan ayah sebagai pepohonan, bunga dan taman hati dalam surga itu

make a wish

"Dreams are wishes casted upon stars, so catch a shining one ~ take your friend's hand~ and hold on forever"

...so I got this randomly through the internet... brings back to the memories of rituals that were done just for the sake of bringging hope since I was little. Wishing while looking deep into the night sky.

So when I was about 5, my sister was only 6, we had the ritual every Saturday night, if we stayed home, to take out the pandan mattress outside to the back yard. Dad will turn off all the lights in the house. Mom will make nice chocolate milk for me, tea for Dad, and nothing for my sister because she could not stand dairy products. Both she and I were in our pajamas. Rushed we ran after Dad with our pillows and threw them on the mattress. Then four of us would lie down facing the deep sky. That time, my hometown still has thousands of stars. My Dad will start the story about his childhood, or about the galaxy, or about what we should be. Mom would sang softly..

"Starlight starbright, first star I see tonight." ... my bosom friend and I ran in the dark of early morning in Stonington, ready for a drive to the airport. Suddenly we saw a shooting star. We smiled at each other, just like almost 20 years ago. "Oooh, Rachma, we gotta make a wish, come one!" Shutting our eyes real quick and both made wishes...(Ya Allah, I wish for.....)

Well, I haven't seen my thousands of stars lately. I haven't scented night breeze lately... When I get home, I might do that... and when I see my first star, I will whisper your name and make a wish for you. ....

"Dreams are wishes casted upon stars, so catch a shining one ~ take your friend's hand~ and hold on forever"

..so I got this randomly through the internet... brings back to the memories of rituals that were done just for the sake of bringging hope since I was little. Wishing while looking deep into the night sky.

So when I was about 5, my sister was only 6, we had the ritual every Saturday night, if we stayed home, to take out the pandan mattress outside to the back yard. Dad will turn off all the lights in the house. Mom will make nice chocolate milk for me, tea for Dad, and nothing for my sister because she could not stand dairy products. Both she and I were in our pajamas. Rushed we ran after Dad with our pillows and threw them on the mattress. Then four of us would lie down facing the deep sky. That time, my hometown still has thousands of stars. My Dad will start the story about his childhood, or about the galaxy, or about what we should be. Mom would sang softly..

"Starlight starbright, first star I see tonight." ... my bosom friend and I ran in the dark of early morning in Stonington, ready for a drive to the airport. Suddenly we saw a shooting star. We smiled at each other, just like almost 20 years ago. "Oooh, Rachma, we gotta make a wish, come one!" Shutting our eyes real quick and both made wishes...(Ya Allah, I wish for.....)

Well, I haven't seen my thousands of stars lately. I haven't scented night breeze lately... When I get home, I might do that... and when I see my first star, I will whisper your name and make a wish for you

Jika aku terbangun di kala pagi masih belum merekah,
langsung mengingatmu,
atau ketika kutarik selimutku dan mengingat isi kata-katamu,
atau pula dalam tidur yang nyenyak, tersapa oleh bayangmu,
apa itu artinya kau punya arti bagiku?

Jika tuturmu terngiang di telingaku di setiap waktu yang bergulir,

atau pembicaraan yang kembali dan kembali mengalir,

atau bayang nanar akan dirimu selalu terbit.

apa itu artinya kau punya arti bagiku?

Sedangkan subuh tidak bisa menjelaskan padaku

kapan rasa arti itu muncul

tidak satu titik embun yang menyadarkan

untuk menilainya dengan akal dan logika

Sementara aku hanya manusia dengan jiwa dan hati yang sama

yang hanya berharap masa dan rasa itu benar adanya

jiwa yang tiba-tiba menempatkanmu di relung hatiku

tanpa alasan, tanpa sebab….

tanpa alasan

Jika aku terbangun di kala pagi masih belum merekah, langsung mengingatmu,

atau ketika kutarik selimutku dan mengingat isi kata-katamu,

atau pula dalam tidur yang nyenyak,

tersapa oleh bayangmu,

apa itu artinya kau punya arti bagiku?

Jika tuturmu terngiang di telingaku di setiap waktu yang bergulir,

atau pembicaraan yang kembali dan kembali mengalir,

atau bayang nanar akan dirimu selalu terbit.

apa itu artinya kau punya arti bagiku?

Sedangkan subuh tidak bisa menjelaskan padaku kapan rasa arti itu muncul

tidak satu titik embun yang menyadarkan untuk menilainya dengan akal dan logika

Sementara aku hanya manusia dengan jiwa dan hati yang sama

yang hanya berharap masa dan rasa itu benar adanya

jiwa yang tiba-tiba menempatkanmu di relung hatiku

tanpa alasan, tanpa sebab….

ENGKAULAH PUISIKU -- ditulis oleh Zainal Fuad

ENGKAU HANYA SEDIKIT MENULIS PUISI UNTUKKU
KALAU GAK MAU DIKATAKAN TIDAK PERNAH

AKAN TETAPI SETELAH AKU AMATI ....
SENYUMANMU ADALAH PUISI
TATAPANMU ADALAH PUISI
JALANMU ADALAH PUISI
BICARAMU ADALAH PUISI
BAHKAN DOAMU ADALAH PUISI CINTAYANG ENGKAU SAMPAIKAN PADAKU
TAK PERNAH PUTUS..TAK PERNAH BERHENTI..

(.. ketika aku tidak melihat puisi itu.. mungkin karena aku dibutakan oleh kebodohanku...)

Hakikat Cinta - ditulis oleh seseorang bernama Zainul Fuad

Ini puisi yang diambil dari karya seseorang. Mungkin isinya biasa saja, tapi sebenarnya beberapa dari kita harus mulai mempertimbangkannya.. dalam setiap detik nafas, selagi ada...

Cinta bukan sebatas berkata kangen
Sehingga cari jalan untuk bertemu
Cinta bukan hanya manifestasi nafsu yang butuh pelampiasan
Cinta juga bukan rasa cemburu berlebihan,
sehingga harus ada terdakwa di meja hijau

Cinta bukan ungkapan sayang dan ingin mati bersamanya
Cinta bukan kesetiaan yang setiap detik harus diucapkan
bak mantara sebelum perang
Cinta bukan sebuah makna kejujuran terdalam
karena pasti ada muatan kemunafikan dan kepentingan
Cinta bukan emosi berkabut, hingga bunuh diri ketika ada perpisahan
Cinta bukan muara kebenaran setiap saat ketuk palu pembebasan
Cinta bukan pembebasan tak bertuan, sehingga butuh pasukan khusus untuk merebutnya
Cinta bukan misteri malam, hingga butuh pelita untuk penerangan
Cinta adalah semuanya, tanpa batas, tanpa sekat

aku pinjem puisinya untuk diberikan ke ketiga jiwaku saat ini: Abach Puput, Ka Dasha dan Baby Aqila

pertama kali suka krn dia naik sepeda ke kampus :-) aku juga suka naik sepeda..

Bukanlah kurangnya rasa cinta yang membuat kebersamaan menjadi tidak bahagia, tetapi kurangnya persahabatan. Ketika kita memohon doa, maka ada 2 konsekuensi mutlak dalam doa tsb. Pertama, Tuhan pasti akan mengabulkan doa itu, asalkan konsekuensi kedua dilaksanakan oleh yg memanjatkan doa, bahwasanya kita mengkondisikan diri kita utk layak dalam mengusahakan agar doa tsb berhasil.

Di Jabal Rahmah, tempat pertemuan Nabi Adam AS dan istrinya Siti Hawa yang telah terpisah selama 100 tahun, begitu banyak manusia yg datang dan mencatatkan 'keinginan hatinya' akan pasangannya kelak di akhirat. Ini hanya akan tercapai bukan krn dilandasi rasa cinta, tetapi karena kita mensahabatkan diri kita dengan orang yang kita inginkan menjadi pasangan akhirat tsb.

Jadi mana yg lebih indah? Menikahi orang yang adalah sahabat kita? Atau menikahi orang yang siap bersahabat dengan kita? Jawabannya: sama. .....

Aku pernah bertemu dengan seorang laki-laki yang juga sahabat sejati. Bukannya hanya dari kegemaran kami saja yang sejalan, tetapi setelah melalui begitu banyak hambatan, kekhilafan, fitnah, dan segala macamnya, aku tetap menemukan bahwa dia adalah sosok yang setia yang selalu mau MENDENGAR, mau BERBAGI RASA, mau TUKAR PENDAPAT, dan MEMBUKA PIKIRAN dan HATI.

Sahabat yang sangat sederhana. Laki-laki yang serius dalam pekerjaannya, menjadi teman bermain dan pembimbing bagi keluarganya, teguh dalam prinsipnya, dan sabar. Imam yang baik.

Dia yang paling mengerti semua kemarahanku, perasaanku, suasana hatiku, sangking mengertinya ketika ada perubahan sedikit saja dia langsung tahu. Dia yang paling tau makanan kegemaranku, hal yang membuat aku ngambek, kemalasanku, tampangku ketika tidur, dan semua sifat-sifatku. Semua hal strategis yang bisa membuatku hanya percaya kepadanya (laki-laki kedua yang aku percaya ya Ayahku! obvious.. kedua-duanya tidak pernah berbohong sedikitpun padaku, ga pernah ingkar janji....)

Persahabatan 17 tahun tidak akan mungkin terus berjalan tanpa doa dan kesabaran serta saling pengertian. Semoga Allah akan selalu menjaga.

Iya. Hari ini aku sudah menikah dengan dia 10 tahun lamanya. Aku menikahi laki-laki yang pertama menarik perhatianku karena bersepeda ke kampus dan terlihat lucu ketika ospek! :-) Dia sahabatku. Dia mentor pelajaran fisikaku, mekanika teknik yang menggilakan, dan struktur... dan sekarang soal pengetahuan umum.... perkembangan politik dan ekonomi.. dia adalah "otak kiri dan kananku", dia adalah "tangan kiri dan kananku"... .

Semoga Allah selalu menjaga persahabatan kami. Semoga Allah menjaganya sampai kami di akhirat. Amin.

me 'wuv julesta putra! :-)

2 malam yang lalu aku mimpi ketemu sama ayahku yang aku panggil Daddy dari kecil.. iya iya.. bukan sok bule.. tapi mungkin ortu lebih memilih panggilan yg rada nyentrik buat mrk waktu itu - dan iya, aku pangil ibuku Ummi.. nah yg ini kedengarn dari timteng...

Kenapa selalu mimpi Daddy? ya karena Ummi ku masih ada, jadi sedikit banyak masih sering ngopi bareng atau duduk bareng makan keripik sambil nonton tipi. Atau berdebat yang kadang seperti tiada habisnya :-)

Mimpi yang sedikit aneh karena aku jarang sekali mimpi soal Daddy. Di mimpi itu aku dan dia seperti terpisah ruangan dan pintu2 yang tidak terkunci tapi tidak bisa kumasuki. Sampai akhirnya tiba-tiba aku menemukan celah dan Daddy langsung merangkulku seperti waktu kecil dulu.. Daddy bertanya," Adek, kemana aja selama ini?" -- Lah.. dalam mimpi aku gak bisa menjawab, apalagi dalam realita. Kalaupun aku harus menjawab, maka aku harus ziarah lagi dan akhirnya berpura2 berbicara sama Daddy walaupun hanya nisan saja yang terlihat di hadapan - sambil menggunakan imajinasi - lagi dan lagi.

Mungkin, karena aku kurang bersyukur? Ato mungkin karena aku suka iseng? Ato mungkin karena ini bulan dari segala bulan? membuat aku berpikir paginya, sambil menyeka mata kiriku yang berair karena aku nangis di bantalku dalam tidur...... mungkin Daddy mau aku seperti waktu kecil? atau Daddy ingin aku berhati kuat?

Yah, gak tau lah... tapi yang jelas aku jadi nulis puisi dikit.. kalau kebaca seperti tolol ya mohon maklum.. namanya pemula yang jarang baca dan ga pernah belajar nulis puisi...semuanya hanya karangan instan di depan monitor...

[especially dedicated to Mas Puput and girls (walau ga FB-an), Sarah (sorry sweety if you dont understand, but you are included as you are important to me, Gita yg manis, Ameng yg lagi di Mecca.. doain Uni ya Meng..., Henni..iya ini temen suka curhat soal Bapak2 kami yang kami rasa top dan keren abis ...dan sahabat2 serta sodara2 yang ada di efbi, termasuk adik sepupuku Yuni yang manis..] Ini dia...

Berjingkat-jingkat di dalam gelap

Menebar pandangan ke dinding dinding kusam
Kakiku yang dingin terkena lantai tua
Kutarik selendang yang menutup rambut
Terjatuh lagi, kutarik lagi
Rambut ini terasa licin dan tidak mengerti
Bahwa, ada kala aku ingin hanya berdua
Dengan curahan hati
Hati yang kadang brengsek dan kepala yang kadang kurang ajar



Kutarik lagi selendang yang menutup rambutku



Duduk ku di sudut dan diam
Kuhela nafas, yang sedikit tersenggal ditekan malam
Mata yang terpejam mengulang semua
Baur indah dan marah – kenapa aku musti marah??
Toh semua aku juga penyebabnya
Sudah lama aku jauh, jauh tanpa aku sadari
Mungkin memang begini jejaknya
Aku hanya bisa berbicara dalam hati….berusaha menepis setan-setan



Dudukku di sudut dan diam
Tanganku terlipat dalam dekapan, terselubung oleh selendang
Ya Rabbi…sekali lagi, hanya Engkau curahan hati
Maafkan hambaMu di bulan ini,
Dan terima kasih karena telah mengerti, karena aku tidak merasakan hukumanMu
Tapi jika ada, jauhkanlah hukuman itu ….
karena malam ini, aku sadar aku mungkin tak layak di istanaMu



Tapi akankah kudapat hibaMu?
Karena aku tau, mungkin setelah ini aku akan mengulangi



Ampuni aku, karena mengkhianatiMu Kekasihku


Dan selendang itu terjatuh lagi...
Hatiku berpikir, kepalaku menuduh
Bagaikan imanku yang tumbuh dan pupus silih berganti

Tidak ada judul (by Rachma)

Tiga malam yang lalu aku bermimpi bertemu Daddy... setelah pikiran dan hatiku gelisah tak berakar... tiap saat aku memikirkanNya.. tapi .. kali ini hanya berupa ketukan jari-ku di perangkat teknologi ini yang mungkin mengungkapkan sedikit rasa. Yang lain hanya akan kusimpan semata, untuk menjadi rahasia aku dan Dia...

Berjingkat-jingkat di dalam gelap
Menebar pandangan ke dinding dinding kusam
Kakiku yang dingin terkena lantai tua
Kutarik selendang yang menutup rambut
Terjatuh lagi, kutarik lagi
Rambut ini terasa licin dan tidak mengerti
Bahwa, ada kala aku ingin hanya berdua
Dengan curahan hati
Hati yang kadang brengsek dan kepala yang kadang kurang ajar

Kutarik lagi selendang yang menutup rambutku

Duduk ku di sudut dan diam
Kuhela nafas, yang sedikit tersenggal ditekan malam
Mata yang terpejam mengulang semua
Baur indah dan marah – kenapa aku musti marah??
Toh semua aku juga penyebabnya
Sudah lama aku jauh, jauh tanpa aku sadari
Mungkin memang begini jejaknya
Aku hanya bisa berbicara dalam hati….berusaha menepis setan-setan

Dudukku di sudut dan diam
Tanganku terlipat dalam dekapan, terselubung oleh selendang
Ya Rabbi…sekali lagi, hanya Engkau curahan hati
Maafkan hambaMu di bulan ini [ramadhan 2009]
Dan terima kasih karena telah mengerti, karena aku tidak merasakan hukumanMu
Tapi jika ada, jauhkanlah hukuman itu
…. karena malam ini, aku sadar aku mungkin tak layak di istanaMu

Tapi akankah kudapat hibaMu?
Karena aku tau, mungkin setelah ini aku akan mengulangi

Ampuni aku, karena mengkhianatiMu Kekasihku

Dan selendang itu terjatuh lagi...
Hatiku berpikir, kepalaku menuduh
Bagaikan imanku yang tumbuh dan pupus silih berganti

- Mengapa Malam? -

mengapa malam?
kala semua seperti terhenti
angin bertiup dingin bergemerisik
suara-suara serangga saling berbisik
setiap insan seperti terlena dalam mimpi

mengapa malam?
dalam kegelapan, dan nyawa serasa tersentak
malam yang membuatku kadang terjaga
mengingat senyummu
mengingat ceritamu
mengingat mata bersahabatmu
mengingat semangatmu
mengingat harapanmu
mengingat semua doamu
yang bukan hanya untukmu
tapi juga untukku

mengapa malam?
karena ketika dunia serasa bisu
senyummu masih di jiwaku

karenamu, dan malam
inspirasi telah mengisi jiwaku

mengapa malam?
karena malamlah yang membawamu padaku