Kuil Cinta

Tidaklah akan kubangun kuil cinta ini,
Jika tidak karena ibadah hatiku denganmu.

Tidaklah akan kubangun kuil cinta ini,
Jika tidak karena mimpiku bersamamu.

Tidaklah akan kubangun kuil cinta ini,
Jika tidak karena aku ingin berlari dan menari di dalamnya denganmu

Rajaku, kekasihku,
Kubangun kuil cinta ini,
Karena kau nafasku,
Bahkan tujuh per delapan hidupku.

When my facebook is not active

Society is cruel sometimes. I mean.. full of demand. Full of un-necessary questions. Especially once a person is linked to the social network, then it is like they own you. They own your life. I need to take control of my life and not by the people who are linked to me in the internet world.

Before I joined facebook, I was kind of hesitant to even join. I thoght why would I want to share my stories to people? I have a blog, even though it was hibernating. But then I did. Why not - and slowly I satrted to share tid bits of y life story, people I love, my thoughts, my snapshots. But it is all out of love on life and creativity. Also to share my opinion to others, where when it is positive I hope for them to digest it, and when it is negative, was hoping for them to udnerstand that I am only human.

But then again, I learn that perhaps through facebook, still people cannot understand a human being as a whole. I dont understand some of my friends or colleagues or even people I meet there... But sometimes I get way too close to some of them even if I never meet them.

Funny how soeciety decided to value and judge a person through his/ her facebook. I always think depend on the person who see it. When a person is so common and negative (sorry to say this) usually the impression will be negative. It is like when a person is posting their travelling picture then the "behind your back comments" will be "show off", when you post a moment with your love ones the thought can be, "I dont believe a person who just show their private moments to people!" or.. when you post about your kids performance then it is like, "is she the only person who have kids???" .. or when one is writing poems and stories and thoughts.. say about love and life .. then usually the comments will be like, " something must happen to her.. she might be in love with another man..." or.. "he must be having a crush" or.. sometimes they give you a demanding comments such as, "of course, you mean for your wife, rigth???!!!" --

But there are also the positives who loves the idea of sharing. When they see your pictures they are happy. When they see your travelling updates they expand their dreams. When they see your poem, they also feel liek dancing with the stars. When they see your thoughts, they also care for you.

But we can never know the reaction, unless we know the person - in person ! How would I know? Basically, as for me, I just ignore the negative response.... and the more I think about it, I also ignore the real comments. It is like when people are trying to put you down, try to make your feeling down, perhaps they just feel challanged - or what is sad: insecure.

The whole writing this AM is basically, dont judge me by my facebook. Indeed it is my reflection - some are real, but many times I also play with my words and thoughts. Get to know me, to know me... not virtually, not from far. When you know me, you will know why I have such status, or post a picutre....

... or why I deactivated my facebook, for now - but will never shut it off for good.

Tidak ada yang lain selain amal ibadah

Tidak panjang blog kali ini. Selain untuk mengingatkan mereka yang mungkin berpapasan dengan blog ini.

Aku pernah berkata ke seseorang, sambil menangis, ...

...

"Tau tidak? mungkin ketika ayah kamu meninggal, efeknya ke kamu berbeda dengan ketika Daddyku menginggalkan aku." Walau mungkin lawan bicaraku saat itu juga pasti punya memori tentang kepergian ayahnya. Anak mana yang tidak?

... terdiam, tersekat kerongkonganku.

"Tapi ketika tubuh kaku Daddyku dimasukkan ke liang kubur, di situ aku benar-benar semakin sadar bahwa tidak ada hal lain yang dibawa selain amal ibadah..."
Otakku menyambung, dalam alam pikiranku, "Dad tidak membawa harta, tahta, kedudukan, keluarga... Dad tidak juga membawa aku..."

Aku ingat, aku hanya jongkok di tanah yang basah itu. Susah bergerak. Sedikit jiwa manusia ingin berada di situ, seolah aku bisa melindungi Daddyku dari pertanyaan para malaikat. Tapi aku rapuh. Aku tidak punya kuasa.

...kadang kala, ada hal-hal yang mengingatkan aku akan hari sedih itu. Ketika aku sadar bahwa tidak ada yang dibawa selain amal ibadah. Mudah-mudahan itu cara Tuhan menjaga sikap dan langkahku.

...dan mudah-mudahan cerita ini membuatmu menjaga sikap dan langkahmu.

Old Record

Call me old school.
Some of my friends told me that I am stuck in time.
For loving old songs, especially when they are played in an old record.
I miss my old record, that now just stored in the storage.
But the feeling of listening to old record,
is something that nothing can replace...
when the needle touch the surface, and you hear this rough sound before the mono sound starts to play

I love classical Italian music, or even opera
I used to imagine to have a backyard, open to a plantation, .... endless sights.
Then I would be there with friends and families when I am young.
But then spend time on a rocking chair when I am old,
perhaps, with a little twist in the whole scene that I will have an iPad,
so I can continue to pour my thoughts in writing...

But all those is surrounded by music.. would be nice if also with a record,
Call me old school, I dont mind
Because I love it.

I may be have it from my Dad's gene
or Ummi's (mom's) .. who knows,
or maybe from old hollywood movies...

But what bring smile to my face,
is that I have someone to share it with me..
and now one of my little girls also enjoy old songs

Anyhow, call me old school, I dont mind


Now, here's some mono record on one of my favorite song Spanish Harlem,
by my favorite old singer Ben E. King..

Sisters

Sisters are like chocolate chip cookies and milk. They are good together. They sometimes foght each other, foght for a long time, but because they share one womb, one parents, one house, the connections is always there. So they will return to their roots somehow. At the end, they always stand up for each other. It is called sisterhood.

I have one. She is a doctor. We used to spend a LOT of time together. Since we were small. Playing cook, reading novels, share our imaginations as we just arrive in many places our parents. She LOVES to trick me..ha! I guess big sister always do that to the younger one. But we cam never have enough of each other. 

Hey, kak.. Remember how we used to hang out Saturday nigth? Before our marriage life? That was FUN!! I am glad i learned to drive. We zoomed off with Dad's car and just hang out like buddies. Then people would think that we might be twins...

And hey, remember when we were small in Bangkok? Passing that little street from Sekolah Indonesia Bangkok? We pretended like I was blind, and your foot was croocked... The wholevendors knew us and must thought we were silly! :) 

Oh and remember times in Pittsburgh? We had to walk up to school? And we chatted about how we miss our childhood traditional games? Then we started to play it.. Then laughed and laughed? 

....and just not at Mom's, I retook the picture when I handed over that Sari Ayu crown to your head. Ha! I thought Dad and Ummi must be proud. Their girls rule! That was fun!!! We were kinda like "eh" joining those competitions, but man it was fun! 

Hey Kak... Just missing old days with ya! Super busy our life now, ... 

*inspired by Ummi hanging out with her sisters lately. Life is good :) 

Nights in White Satin

I love this song. Despite that it is so mellow, but man I love the lyrics and the sound of it. It's like dreadfully in love but then the singer have to swallow his pride. Really? Hah!
Let's just take a look at the lyric. It's one of Dark Shadow movie soundtrack. 

This could happen to anyone, you know.. beware... *my fangs are coming out slooowly! ;)

Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,Letters I've written, never meaning to send.Beauty I'd always missed with these eyes before.Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.'Cos I love you, yes I love you, oh how I love you.Gazing at people, some hand in hand,Just what I'm going through they can't understand.Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.

And I love you, yes I love you,Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,Letters I've written, never meaning to send.Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before.Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.

'Cos I love you, yes I love you,Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.'Cos I love you, yes I love you,Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.

Breath deep The gathering gloomWatch lights fade From every roomBedsitter people Look back and lamentAnother day's useless Energy spent

Impassioned loversWrestle as one Lonely man cries for loveAnd has noneNew mother picks up And suckles her sonSenior citizens Wish they were young

Cold hearted orbThat rules the nightRemoves the coloursFrom our sightRed is gray and Yellow whiteBut we decideWhich is right And Which is an Illusion

x

Taman Surga

Aku tidak akan share pengalaman di dalam taman surga atau yang disebut Raudah. Taman surga yang disiapkan buat semua pejiarah yang ingin berdoa kepada yang Khalik. Segala hal bisa terjadi di sana. Tersaruk-saruk semua berebut ingin masuk dan memohon ampunan. Menyampaikan segala pesan untuk bumi dan akhirat.

Bagiku bukan soal prestasi bisa memijakkan kaki di dalam taman surga, atau bisa sujud di saf pertama (bagi jemaah perempuan) pas di belakang pembatas sehingga tidak terganggu oleh pejiarah lainnya. Bukan soal bisa atau tidak melakukan ketiga sholat sunnah yang disarankan. Bukan...bukan...

Bukan soal sempat atau tidak menyampaikan salam kepada Yang mulia Rasulullah... Ato menyapa kedua sahabat sejatinya. Hal ini tidak perlu diperbandingkan antara satu pejiarah dengan yang lainnya. Bagiku semua mempunyai keinginan yang jelas, dan pasti berusaha keras. Bukan soal berkompetisi mendapatkan kesempatan, atau melakukan dengan kualitas kekhusukan... Bukan! 

Siang itu, bahkan sebelum aku bisa ke Raudah di Nabawi. Suamiku, Putra, minta izin untuk sholat. Aku duduk bersama dengan ketiga anak kami. Detik berjalan. Aku seperti biasa mengawasi semua orang yang hilir mudik. Berbagai bangsa, dengan berbagai warna dan ribuan cara. Ada yang sendiri, ada yang berkeluarga atau bersama teman... Sambil aku merekam semua dengan kamera, detik dan menit berlalu. Udara panas berhembus. Kami masih menunggu. Berbagai kegiatan dilakukan oleh jemaah di Nabawi. Setelah sholat para lelaki menjemput istrinya, merangkul anak-anaknya. Mungkin ini adalah spot terdamai bagi setiap rumah tangga. Kedamaian Madinah dan Nabawi menular, membuat manusia enggan untuk bersiteru. Aku rasa, semua hati terbuka di sini, semua jiwa ingin merangkul kekasihnya. Seakan rasa kasih sayang Rasulullah menular. Aku melihat pasangan tua, kakek dan nenek, mungkin dari Pakistan. Kulit mereka kering. Sari yang digunakan juga bukan yang mahal seperti yang sering kulihat dipakai ibu-ibu arisan di Indonesia. Wajah mereka sudah keriput. Tapi kakek itu sambil berbicara memegang tangan si nenek. Kedua ya berdiskusi. Ntah soal apa, hanya angin yang tau. Begitulah cinta, jika dijalani dengan benar... Maka akan abadi sampai akhir hayat... Aku yakin kakek nenek itu waktu muda pasti juga punya masalah. Mungkin ketika usia mereka sudah tua juga. Tapi mungkin usia memang mendewasakan manusia. Dan dengan rasa cinta mereka, membuat mereka akrab satu sama lain. Pernah tidak melihat dua manusia yang saling menatap ke relung mata? Begitu dalam, ...dan rasa di hati hanya mereka yang tau. Gosh, enough about that romantic moments :) ...

... Terus kami menunggu...

Sampai akhirnya sosok yang aku kenal itu datang. Mengenakan busana sholat Melayu berwarna coklat muda. Matanya mengarah ke aku. Senyum dan mata itu terlihat berkaca-kaca. Jarang aku melihat ia menangis...sangat jarang. Ini lelaki kuat berhati baik yang selama ini aku kenal. Ini lelaki yang mengajarkan banyak hal tentang Islam, tentang kehidupan, tentang kesabaran, tentang berjuang... Tubuh tingginya tiba di dekat kami. Aku salam cium tangannya dan mangajaknya duduk bersama. Anak-anak sibuk terus bermain. Kami kemudian hanya berpandangan. 

Pelan ia bercerita, bahwa ketika hendak masuk ke dalam Raudah sebenarnya mereka sudah akan menutup pintu, tetapi entah kenapa penjaga pintu itu mebiarkan ia sendiri untuk masuk. Jalan dengan tenang tanpa harus berhimpit-himpit. Ia menceritakan luapan perasaannya ketika pertama kali mendapatkan kesempatan bersujud di taman surga. Air mata menggenang lagi, aku jadi ikut menangis... Kami saling berkisah tentang perjuangan Rasulullah. Kami terus saling berpandangan. Tidaklah layak bagi kami untuk berpelukan di situ mengingat ini adalah tempat yang begitu suci. Tapi tangannya menggenggam tanganku... Ini adalah lelaki yang baik hati, yang berulang kali menyelamatkanku dan menerimaku... Jujur, tidak ada perasaan yang lebih menyenangkan melihat ia mendapatkan kesempatan ibadah luar biasa itu. Aku merasa senang melihat kelegaan hatinya, yang telah berbicara dengan Penciptanya. Ah, Julesta Putra, ...segala doaku untukmu, ... 

Ya Allah, terima kasih telah memberikan ia kesempatan. Terima kasih Engkau menyediakan waktu untuk imamku yang baik hati ini. Ya Allah, mudahkanlah jalannya....jalan ia di dunia dan dimanapun, sebagaimana Engkau memudahkan langkahnya masuk ke taman surga. Lelaki ini sudah begitu lama denganku, sehingga aku hapal setiap langkah dan geraknya. Bisa membaca pikirannya. Begitu juga ia terhadapku. Rahasia apapun di antara kami tetap terungkap, karena kami sangat saling mengenal, dan sangat saling mengerti. 

Ya Allah, lindungi ia, tinggikan derajatnya, ... Bahagiakan dia, ... Sejukkan hatinya yang kuas tanpa batas. Mudahkan pula jalanku, jalan keturunannya. Jadikan kami kekasihmu bukan hanya di taman surga, ... Tapi di sisi Singgasana muliamu.

Menjelang siang di Taman Surga

::// jaurinatara